Sometimes when we are in an emotional situation, what we'd really like to do most is to lash out. Say something mean. Something hurtful. Something really nasty so the person receiving it will suffer as much if not more than us. But hang on. Let's breath and reflect on this point.
Ultimately, it really isn't so much that we want to hurt our partner or the people we love; we just want them to listen and understand what we really feel or want without interruption. Here is an example of a couple's argument: "I don't understand why you always have to give your mum so much money." "She needs it because she doesn't work." "She's controlling your life and you let her. It's like when my dad doesn't want me to see this girl I really like because he said he only wants a certain type of in-laws." "How is this related to that? You've never been financially responsible for anyone in your life or even yourself so don't sit on your high horse and berate me. Talk to me when you are financially independent of your parents." This argument is just plainly hurtful. When in fact both parties are just trying to help each other out financially but the conversation quickly turned toxic when they both started hurting each other with personal attacks. We *think* we do things out of love for another but most of the time when we are in a situation, we're so easily clouded by emotions. Things can spiral to illogical arguments when emotions are running high and we let emotions control our actions. So next time when you feel like saying something that you know will hurt your partner, think about this. Will the outcome from your words be something you can live with a day from now? A week from now?
This post was published on www.executivelifestyle.sg as How to get through an argument mindfully
|